In my previous post, I got that NYT link from this blog post on BlogHer about the BFF phenom and how some girls, in her observation, use it to control their friendships.
She’s got an interesting point here, and makes me think about how some people have a need to control the relationships (and by extension the other person) in their life. We’re told over and over to beware of relationships with partners that might become controlling and dysfunctional but I would enlarge that to encompass friends, too. Or parents. Whoever.
When you think about it, the whole “best friend” thing, as the BlogHer writer mentioned, is pretty immature. It’s okay if you are in grade school (although that could be debatable), but as you get older, you should begin to see that there is a whole big world out there with lots of people to meet, and not limit yourself to just a small group of friends.
Or, worse, one friend.
No one person can meet all of your emotional, social and intellectual needs. Even introverts, whose friendship circle may be much smaller compared to extroverts, can have diversity in their friendships. Diversity is having friends that don’t necessarily think like or have all the same interests as you do. There is nothing wrong with connecting with someone on one thing, and nothing else.
And believe me, commonality has it’s place; I can talk for a long time with my brother about some random aspect on Star Trek or Batman or which X-Men movie sucked (it was The Last Stand, of course). With my spouse? Not so much. But there are plenty of other things we can talk about; he is not required to like Star Wars (although I did require that he see Revenge of the Sith with me and bro).
Bottomline: in my opinion, diversity in friendships contributes to maturity and makes life much more interesting.