During nap time yesterday, I was able to think about my story and plot and ended up with this word count. I just have to do this two more times, and I will have a working first draft. Yay!
One thing about writing: you start out crafting a scene thinking it will go one way and end up realizing it must, must, go another way. I love that.
A story, a particular story and the people in it, have been haunting me for over ten years! I want to write a short version of it, a snapshot into the lives of my dear characters, and enter it into this competition.
There will be ten finalists. The top submission gets the first prize of $1000 and the story published in the Portland Monthly. All ten finalists get their stories published in Wordstock’s book anthology, The Wordstock Ten.
There is so much talent out there, I doubt I will make it to being one of the finalists, much less the winner. But it gives me a goal to reach with my fiction writing and, if nothing else, I’ll have a finished piece I can expand on.
The deadline is July 1st. Oh, and forget about the final outcome. Lets hope I can actually submit this bad boy in six weeks and three days. Wish me luck!
Well, the day after Spank Out Day, during which I read so many encouraging posts about positive, respectful parenting, I got to listen to a nice sermon clip (insert irony) from a North Carolina pastor encouraging his flock (and other Christians I assume) to physically assault their children if they suspect they are gay.
And of course those suspicions are fueled by really stereotypical garbage like a boy “acting girlish” or a girl “acting butch”.
You know, if your son starts walking around with a limp wrist, `å la Jack Tripper, he advocates cracking that wrist.
And your daughter? She can play sports to the glory of God, but she’d better put some lipstick and a dress on (I assume not while playing sports)!
It’s bad enough that this advice has someone judging their child because they might be gay. It’s also bad enough that, if their child is gay, again, the stream of judgment.
But the worst part? The co-signing of wanton physical and emotional violence against someone, a defenseless child in this case, who isn’t going along with your program. Listen to the clip. The “amens” and laughter in response to what this dude is screaming about is chilling to me.
People want to blame everything under the sun for societal problems; video games, television, comic books, trashy novels, whatever.
But we really don’t have to look any further than our own homes.
When will people realize that the best chance your kid has of being a happy adult that tries to play well with others is having unconditional love and acceptance from the parental units? That this does not make them needy and dependent? That, in fact, the hitting, the head-games and the constant control will likely produce just that result? An angry, bitter, resentful adult who doesn’t know why he/she is angry, bitter and resentful all the time?
I just hope that some of the people in that audience will call bull on this insane advice and that they outnumber those who will blindly follow it.
Our family finally made the trip to Philadelphia to visit my side of the family. Despite #1 not taking naps half the time and having many moments of crankiness, we had fun.
I spent a lot of time while working as a reporter for a community newspaper trudging up and down Germantown Avenue, a major artery in Northwest Philadelphia. It was nice to see the sights again.
But I couldn’t help comparing the Portland area to the Philadelphia area.
First, the tension and energy are much higher in Philly. You really have to be mentally on guard, like for instance while driving. People drive like maniacs. And I am in no way saying you can leave your doors unlocked and daydream while driving here in Portland. It’s just simply way more laid back here.
Second, what is with everything closing early? Like on Saturdays? We wanted some coffee early in the evening and cafes in Mt. Airy and Chestnut Hill were closing at 5 and 6. Really? The small-fry town I live in, Beaverton, population 90,000, has a 24-hour coffee shop that is actually nice. In fact, you can’t turn around without bumping into a coffee shop anywhere here. We had to go to Dunkin Donuts instead, which lacks the coffee shop ambiance and they think a mocha is a flavoring, but it did the job.
Third, the conceit in Chestnut Hill is a bit vomit inducing. It’s always been that way, but it’s hilarious. They have a lot of cute shops and crap, but honestly things like spice shops, cafes and Farmer’s Markets are a dime a dozen here, from the most cookie-cutter suburb to the trendiest area in the city. You’re not special, Chestnut Hill. Get. Over. Yourselves.
While I definitely would not want to live in Philadelphia anymore and talk crap about her sometimes, I still have a soft spot for my birth town. Case in point, while we were driving through Germantown and Chelten Avenues, this dude was yelling across the street to someone in a car, presumably a friend, greeting him like it was his long lost birth parent he had never met. Very loud, very dramatic, and it made me laugh. Good old Philly.
I’ve always said how I’ve never been asked this question and didn’t think I ever would.
But it finally happened.
While visiting family in Philadelphia, a woman asked me if my children were mine. This seems to be a right of passage for parents with mixed-race children.
We were leaving the hotel to go out to the car and one of the workers asked me, “Are those your children?”
I kind of hesitated and then said, “Yes.”
She said, “Oh.” And went on to say that they were light like their dad, so I guess that started her wondering about their genetics, I guess.
It was mildly annoying, but I didn’t get too worked up about it. It is interesting though how our minds are so focused on race. When we see a family of people who are of different hues, we start wondering if they are biologically related. We’re confused that someone very dark with nappy hair can birth light babies with straight hair or someone who is white with straight hair can birth brown babies with nappy hair.
I guess I get having the curiosity. But I don’t get this extreme need to verify, to the point of asking a stranger if the kids they are with came out of their birth canal.
Anyway, Philly is a lot different from Portland (working on a post about that). And all I have to say is I’m glad I live in Portland!
By now, most people have heard of Trayvon Martin the teenager who was shot and killed by neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman. If you haven’t, read the here and here.
Initially, it seems police there were just going with his word that he shot in self-defense. However, after the release of the 911 recordings (where the operator tells Zimmerman not to follow Martin, but he does anyway) and the testimony of Martin’s friend, who was the last person to talk to him minutes before he was killed (it seems Martin was aware he was being followed), Zimmerman’s version of events is in serious doubt. An arrest is probably imminent.
While I think Zimmerman probably saw Martin as a threat in part because he was a young, black male, I think the larger issue is that a person acted irresponsibly with a firearm. Whatever Zimmerman thought Martin’s intentions were, whether or not they were based on racial bias, he was incorrect about those intentions and a person lost their life.
In light of the facts pointing to him instigating an confrontation with Martin, Zimmerman should be held accountable for this child’s death. I imagine that whatever way Martin tried to defend himself, it was not with a gun, because he was unarmed. Yet, Zimmerman used unreasonable force in an altercation he in fact started in the first place.
Race is definitely a factor here. But the easy access to guns, the assumption that this access just goes along with having a free society, and the general thoughtlessness in our culture when it comes to life (be it human or animal), should also be part of the conversation as well.
I’m coming up on ten months since #2 son arrived and, finally, my hair seems to be entering the recovery phase.
When you’re pregnant, all of the extra hormones circulating in your body cause you to grow more hair and shed less. The result is a thick, luscious mane. The downside? About 3-4 months after baby is born, there is a massive shedding to the point where it seems like your hair is falling out.
With #1 I had dreads, so the only thing I noticed was a thinning hair line. By the time he was a year old, it filled back in. However, I cut my dreads in 2009 and am now a loose nappy. So I expected the shedding, but for a while there it was so bad, I was thinking about doing another big chop! The amount of hair coming out was insane.
Also, I was slacking on my hair routine in the beginning because there just wasn’t time. I’d go quite a while between washings and didn’t really detangle very thoroughly. And I had a lightbulb moment where I realized I needed to keep my hair sectioned during the whole washing process; I washed my hair loose at one point and it tangled up pretty badly.
So this past weekend I washed my hair and it went very smoothly. No major knots and less shed hair than last time. A few thoughts hair-wise:
1. I finally bought Trader Joe’s Nourishing Spa shampoo and conditioner ( I did not buy it on Amazon, not sure why it is so much, At the store, it’s $2.99/bottle). Many naturals rave about these products, especially the conditioner. I used the later as a deep conditioner that I left on for maybe an hour or so (I had to eat brekkie and do mama stuff) and then detangled with the Denman. WOW. Loved it. It just glided through my hair and it took maybe 30 minutes to completely detangle. The shampoo was nice too. Didn’t leave my hair feeling stripped at all.
2. I bought Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition Conditioner a while back to use as a detangler but I was not very impressed with it. However, I started using it as a leave-in and I love it. At night, I’d spritz my hair with water, add the conditioner to my ends and seal with a mixture of Qhemet Biologics Amla+Olive Heavy Cream, Olive Hydrating Balm and a bit of castor oil. My hair was soft and not oily at all. So I did this after my wash on Saturday, adding the GFTN conditioner and sealing with my mix. My hair is still braided up now, but I will wear it down at the end of the week and see if the results are the same.
Some may have issues using a regular conditioner as a leave-in. But it has been my experience that marketed leave-ins do not work well for my hair. They are not heavy enough. I just make sure that I am okay with the first 5 or so ingredients.
3. I’ve fallen back in love with my Denman brush. When I had a TWA (teeny weeny afro), it was great. Then I had that in-between phase and it didn’t seem to work as well. But the last two times I detangled, I used it and it was lovely. I have a Tangle Teezer that I thought I liked, but I think it’s too rough. For me, it’s been good for smoothing my edges if I am wearing my hair up or back.
I didn’t have time to do a length check, but the hair in the back reached past my collarbone and the hair up front reached down to my upper lip. When I take my hair down at the end of the week, I will do some measurements.
Sadly, I do not have HBO. *sobs*
No, it will be ok. The movie will be on DVD before we know it. But for those of you that do have it, check it out. The Lovings were an interracial couple whose legal battle to live their lives as a married couple made it all the way to the Supreme Court and resulted in the legalization of marriage between the races in 1967. Yay, right?
I’m obviously very thankful for their part in the civil rights struggle and really hope that sometime in my children’s lifetime, this “race” thing will be a distant memory.
The first phase in the process of colorblindness is actually noticing that someone looks different. It’s not ignoring it. But recognizing someone’s color in this step doesn’t do anything because it can spur a negative emotion (such as with racists).
It is also an identification in a general sense because it usually results in stereotyping. They don’t see the person as an individual, but as representing characteristics they have attributed to this group (and this not relegated to race, btw) in their minds.
Seeing the person as an individual is the next phase. But that requires authentic engagement with the person. Most fail during the phase because they cannot move beyond their own assumptions, judgments, emotional baggage and cultural or group brainwashing. It’s not about pretending the person doesn’t look different and only engaging with them if they think like you do. It’s about accepting (without condescension) that not only do they look different, but they may have a different worldview than you.
And in order to do this, you have to be comfortable with your own sense of self.
I cannot stress that last sentence enough. I think that not being secure in your own beliefs and opinions is what causes so much of the sustained anger and resentment between people over various issues, not just race. For someone like that, if another person doesn’t look like them, think like them or have the same opinions about things, they feel threatened.
Why? I’m not sure, but I think that mindset is rooted in organized religion. A topic for another post!
So the last phase is where you embrace the person to the point where it doesn’t matter to you what they look like. You stop noticing that they look different. But, again, this is after going through all of the above. You can’t just skip to ignoring race.
Children are born with this all encompassing acceptance (which is why abused children continue to seek love from their abusive parents) until adults and society start warping their minds. I think this acceptance needs to be nurtured, along with a healthy emotional foundation. The latter will help multiracial children safely navigate the inevitable ignorance they will encounter in life; those “what are you?” questions will not cause a racial identity crisis but a bold answer of their choosing, not absorbing the possible negative reaction of the questioner, so they can keep it moving.
My latest article in Portland Family Magazine is about Black history. I highlight Oregon Northwest Black Pioneers, an organization whose goal is to preserve the historical contributions of Blacks in Oregon. Happy Black History Month!
